It has been a rough 2 weeks. You know I was out here, then flew home for a weekend and back to NJ. I sat at my mother’s side Wednesday till about 5am Saturday morning and did not sleep. The last time there was any real recognition of anything external was Tuesday sometime. I sat and held her had and at night sang along with CDs of albums she used to love (hoping if she was hearing me she did not hate my singing voice), watched some television with her and talked to her. The decline was awful, I will never get the images out of my mind of how you look refusing food and water for so long. She had NO liquids for the last 5 days and for perhaps a week or so prior between spoon fulls and perhaps 4oz of liquid a day. On Saturday morning I was so tired I was seeing things and micro sleeping (head falling to her bed and that woke me). I so wanted to be there holding her had when she went. I HAD to get some sleep and shower and change and decided that by first light I would run back to the hotel, shower and sleep for 90 minutes to 2 hours and get right back to the nursing home. I told mom that she knows I wanted to be with her when the time came, but she has dragged on so long (to the surprise of EVERYONE) that IF SHE was waiting because SHE did not want me to see her like this before she went, I was going to leave for 3 hours and this was her chance, otherwise I would be back and not go again. I got to the hotel, went into the bed and perhaps 30 minutes later the call from the nursing home came that she had passed on. I ran right back out.
I have not yet had time to fully process all this yet. Yes, I have cried and things quickly set me to crying, but not REAL processing and grieving yet. I am trying to push it down to wrap up all I need to do now (funeral home, will, ect.) and then will fall apart I am sure. I hope to get back home soon. I am scheduled for Saturday flights, but if I can finish sooner I will see if it is possible to fly out Thursday (Friday change seems to cost over a grand to so Thursday or I leave it Saturday).
My sisters want to do the burial/memorial with dad in West Point at a future date (which I do not want) and as she is cremated that is doable. *sigh* so I suppose I will be forced to return out here again in perhaps 2 to 5 months. :(
Well, that is my news. John I pray that Cheri is continuing to recover and have kept her and you in my prayers. Tim, you are also in my prayers for your recovery from the hospital the other week. Peggy, I am unsure of issues with you so you have been in general “remain healthy” prayers. :)
I may not really check the board till I am back, so if not have a wonderful rest of the week to all.
David and the CoolCyberCats
Oh, David, my heart is breaking for you over the loss of your dear sweet mom. Her suffering is over and is now reunited with your dad. I watched both of my parents pass away and it is so hard to watch, but knowing they are finally at peace gave me some comfort. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you start the journey of your grief. Just go with the flow...
Hugs and comforting purrs, Peggy and Laila
Peggy, Laila and Angel Minchie
I really appreciate you all being here for me to unload on when I lost my parents. I wasn't there when my Dad died and I'm not sure whether my brother was or not. I don't think he was aware of anything when he died. It wasn't a slow decline. When they stopped his blood thinners to do surgery, his blood basically gelled and he pretty much stroked out. The last time I saw him, all he could do was look at me. Mom was fairly lucid up to the end. I got there the night before she died and didn't wake her up. That morning I went in to talk to her. I spoke for maybe 20 or 30 minutes and there was no response, just shallow breathing. I left to get coffee and a cigarette and in the few minutes I was in the other room, she died.
I doubt it but I sometimes wonder if she wasn't wishing I'd get the heck out of there so she could go. The difference between the time I left the room and she left the planet was less than 5 minutes. I didn't find out until maybe weeks later, she died on her wedding anniversary. When her last husband died, I knew that shattered her. She gave up hope that she'd ever be happy again. It was hard to see, knowing how happy they were together. He had taken such good care of her while he could. Now that Cheri had the same kind of cancer, I've got a pretty good idea what both of them were going through.
I suppose when I go, I don't want anybody standing around staring at me. I long ago told Cheri that if I ever end up in the hospital for any reason, I don't want any visitors standing around gawking at me. Just leave me with a good book and maybe a computer. I know most people would rather have lots of visitors and maybe I'll change my mind about it but for now, if there's anybody around, I think I'll wait till they leave before I take off. John
Hi David I am so sorry for the loss of your mother I know this will not take the pain of her loss away and I don't really know what else to say. I went to see my mother the day she passed and took her a birthday card little did I know it would be the last time I saw her alive and that she would pass on her birthday. Thanks for your thoughts about my health I am doing ok but the doctors are doing everything they can to get more money test and now want to go back and look to make sure there is no more tumor left but it was low grade and they already did 2 ct scans with nothing showing but this is healthcare in America. I hope you and your sisters will make this memorial easy as it is bad enough that you all have lost your mother. I wish I could do something more for your family at this sad time but I will pray that all will go smoothly. Tim
Tim, I'm glad they're not finding anything. Costs an amazing amount of money to not find anything. Doing all that walking is probably the healthiest thing you can do.
Peggy, are you getting out a little more now that Covid has started dying out?
David, I do hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. Seems like there are always surprises waiting to take you off guard, but hopefully nothing serious.
Things are OK here. I think Cheri is finally improving, albeit very slowly. I also think temporarily retiring from the music has helped me somewhat. I'm still working on the guitar, tackling stuff that's hard to do and hoping it won't be hard anymore. Getting a little more time in on the treadmill and doing a few other things. Karly is back visiting and that's always fun. John
John, glad to see Cheri is starting to show some improvement. Such a long, slow process. Hopefully the worst is over. Bet it feels good to recharge from all those gigs for a while. Glad you are taking care of yourself.
Do get out a little more, mostly to restaurants. Have no qualms about going to them but still won't go to a movie theater. Still see a lot people wearing masks. One grocery store I shop at had reinstated masks for their employees and vendors. Soon I'll be getting my second Pfizer booster.
Take care everyone! Peggy